Coming Down From a Lost Weeknd:


“it was a lost weeknd

 we took our clothes off and made no sense.

i felt my knees weaken

 i threw myself into the deep end

 i’m sorry if i embarrassed you by saying something stupid like ‘I love you’

 i’m sorry if i embarrassed you

it was a lost weeknd

 i knew a shortcut and i showed you how

 i held your hand to take you through the crowd

 danced to a song that i still don’t know

it was late

i was drunk

it was the radio…..”
- Arthur Brutes of ‘The Art of Bruts’ buzzband.

 
WOW bros.

i was soooo wasted. had a lost weeknd. so wasted I started spelling weeknd without a 3rd letter “e”. so wasted i ‘possibly’ had sex while listening 2 BNM-ed album “House of Balloons” by The Weeknd buzzband…

 
it’s springtime. a time 2 ‘luv’ a time 2 ‘mate’. i think i had ‘sex’. 

i hope i used a condom. there were like 3 condoms floating in the toilet in the morning. hope i had sex with a ‘woman’. hope i had sex. hope i don’t have a ‘tragic’/’Magic’ (Johnson) type std. but don’t mind if i caught something mild like ‘the clap’ or ‘the crabs’ or ‘swine flu’. i mean u play with fire like me bros & ur gonna get some burns ya know.

 it all started wen my manager at Baja Fresh(the cool manager that lets me smoke w33d on my smoke break) got me on the list for a rlly hip partie. i had a +1 so i invited an Alt-Baguette-QT-HRO-girlie off the new OFFICIAL Hipsterrunoff Alt-dating Iphone app™.

(pic via thecobrasnake.com)

I got 2 finally wear my ramones tanky top. i looked hella fresh yall. things started to get blurry real quick. The QT and I started wit sum drinks. some PBRs, some redbulls & vodkas. we got comfortable… there were some sweet labtop DJs ‘spinning’ cool vinyl-mp3s at this partie.

(pic via thecobrasnake.com)

the HRO QT was a total trustafarian & had tons of Drugs to share.

she whispered to me. ‘we’re gonna have a great time bb. but u’ll wanna be ‘High For This’”

this is how my weeknd got lost.

i toked, i choked, i tripped, i shroomed, i rolled, i snorted, i peyote-ed, i bath-salted, i xanaxed, i oxycottoned, i robo-triped, i valtrexed, i i-dosed wit the new PandyBear Tomboy ‘Chillwave-PCP-flavored’ iDose mp3 she had on her iphone. i rode and rode and rode that train high on cocaine yall

don’t remember much. but i think i we ‘fell in love’. i think she made me chocolate chip pancakes at one point. i think she wanted me to ‘pee’ on her at one point. i think she wanted me to ‘pee’ on the pancakes at one point. 

i think we were at a hotel but maybe it was just her ‘rich gurl’ condo. or maybe she lives at a hotel.  idk. 

i think we ate at baja fresh at one point. the baja fresh where i work. i rlly hope i didn’t ‘act a fool’. hope i’m not fired. rlly need that job yall. and they let me be ‘high’ on the job and they don’t drug test. 

i think there were other people there at different times throughout my lost weeknd. i might have participated in a 3-sum. or a secret rich people orgy like in the movie eyes wide shut.

there were weird pics in my iphone this morning. today is wen i finally started coming down. geting back to reality. getting my head out of the clouds and my two feet back on the ground.

here’s some of the pics that were on my iphone:

(nice drill-do. amirite?)

(don’t remember how this cake tasted. prolly tasted hella good tho since i was so HIGH)

(i think this G.I.L.F. was part of the orgy. she came prepared. u 4sure gotta have plenty of lube when ur pussie is over the age of 60.)

(i think this is me and my HRO QT. this will be one 2 show our grandkids sumday).

(don’t remember this bro but i possibly “DP-ed” my HRO girlie with him. idk. he seems chill. seems like he would have been ‘adventurous’ in the bedroom. )

so yeah all you alt-bros/babes out there i had the time of my life yall. 

can’t wait until our 2nd date :-)

i hope i can work at baja fresh™ 4eva

i hope i can stay 20-smthg 4eva.

stay 4eva young.

and to my Alt-QT if ur readin’ this

thx 4 the lost weeknd bb.

‘you make me feel like i’m livin’ a teenage dream’

- Beach House from the album “Teen Dream”

yeah it was kinda sillie of me to believe that crls was gonna kill HRO but i rlly did think crls was ‘4-Real this time’.

after all the changes wit HRO like adding the mnstrmr, etc. i thought maybe it was possible that he really was sick of HRO or it was too much work 4 the revenue it generates.. and that maybe he really wanted to ‘end it all’.

idk how much money he rlly makes running a relevant alt culture blog. so it seemed possible that he was gonna really just take a ‘real job’ somewhere and end HRO so he could make more $$$ and raise a family/buy a minivan/diapers/a suburban home etc. etc. 

i’m totally happy he came back 2 life. i truly was sad wen i thought HRO was gone forever. crls and his wit and insight have helped me thru some unbuzzworthy times in my life… he’s turned my frown upside down many times :-)

ohhoe:

be still my heart

Would you have the courage to “stand up” 2 a lmstrmr ‘cyber bully’ & defend the honor of Carles?

ohoe did. and she was rewarded with a DM from carles.

i’m #proudofOhHoe !!!!

have u been cyberbullied by a lmstrmr and do want 2 share your story on this blog? if so pls contact me. 

i’m here for you

#itgetsbetter

Relevant Diary: in 2day’s blog-i-sode we hear from #Sunflower_Alt_QT & her experiences wit Carles. #sunflower_alt_qt’s submission 2 my blog was so gr8 that it’s sorta like she’s “Guest Blogging”. the following story is all written by her. she really ‘opens up’ and shares what it feels like to be an Alt QT in a HRO QT Contest. hope yall enjoy reading this as much as i did :-)

also if u think u r relevant enuff 2 “Guest Blog” on Relevantfuneral.tumblr.com plz submit sum cool stuff 4 me 2 read and post if it is ‘bloggable’. thx <3 u all. 

—————————————————————————————————-

              He luvs me, he luvs me not?

#sunflower_alt_qt’s tale of being 1 of crls contest qtz

Hi yallsies.

Feel like the Am Appy Slutwaverz have inspired me 2 share my experience

from the Valentine Conty.  Carles branded me as #sunflower_alt_qt and

that’s where the fling bgan. This is my storie 4 those of u who think the

contest was just about pic submissions 2 show off ur brand 2 hro readers

or a Rock of Alt Love type gimmick, i am here 2 tell u that it wasnt.  Felt

like Crls rlly understood me in his blog posts, like he knew wut i was

thinking [via alt telepathy]. so when carles was ‘calling all keutiez’ i knew

this was my chance 2 rlly get his attention.

rlly felt virtual connection after this response from carlesbb.

So the conty continued & I saw n the comments that a gud

amount of altbros n brostreamers were voting 4 me. Some

of the comments could’ve been Sketch Fest 2k11 headliners

but I ignored them bc at least they were votez, rite? N e

wayz felt real gud but longed 4 carles approval….

then came the 2nd round and crls stated that awl the

contestants wer 2 ‘entr another pic plus n e 1 else could

submit 2’. Felt sad. Felt like I wasn’t ‘gud enuf’ bc b4 I

thought 4 sure we were meant 2 b. y culd othr bb’s n

slutwaverz enter now? Totes lamestream but I followed

my heart regaurdless. meanwhile n the twittersphere me n

carles wuld chat n messages.

It was almost a month and I hadn’t herd n e thing from

carles. I was ‘deressed’ and didn’t kno wut 2 do. Was

he chatting othr alt babes? Was he taking his ex 2

olive gardy behind my back? Did I win Crls heart?

Was all of this fake? Felt ashamed and embarssed

and stalked his facebook page 4 answers [via crazee

girlfriend solutions] but found nothing.

Then a week l8r the st. pattys dai conty

appeared and I saw my submission and felt like he

wanted me back again. I would sit n my room w my

sunflowers n pick the petals saying ‘he luvs me he

luvs me not’ as the arcade grammie firez blared

loudly.

A few daiz l8r carles announced his

retirement.

we xchanged embedded youtube mp3s and I

knew this wuz the end 4 gud. Felt like the only thing

that culd bring my bb back was coachellas bribe

money [via the dfa 1979ers].

But it turned out 2 b a false alarm n Crls

came to his senses and returned 2 the farmz of

content n stuff. Still haven’t heard from him tho. Felt

like we once had an authentic connection. Where r u

bb? Miss u. Luv u. H8 u 4 leaving but will 4give u. 1

day we’re gunna live n Paris bb.

What would u do if ‘u were n my shoes’?

Is Carles cheating on me?

Do yall think I could do better?

Do I deserve bettr?

mood: Happie :-) sunfloweraltqt might be submitting sum poems/stories/tall tales etc. abt her relaish wit HRO. 

will she dish the dirt? or will she keep it ‘professional’ to keep her image/career pure..   

STAY TUNED… 

if YOU. yes YOU. have HRO stories/thoughts/dreams/desires let me know. i’m the robin ‘chilliams’ 2 ur good will hunting…

it’s ok 2 share. it’s ok 2 smile again. it’s ok 2 cry. 

It’s not ur fault….

Suppose you gave a Relevant funeral & nobody came?

if carles had rlly died 4 reals would u have gone to the wake? the funeral?

what objects would u have placed in his coffin 4 him 2 take with 2 the afterlife? a Pandabear 7” single from the upcoming Tomboy on colored vinyl?

Would a carles funeral be at an ‘intimate’ ‘indie rock venue’? like the mercury lounge in NYC or The Smell in LA or The Empty Bottle in Chicago?

would mark cobrasnake b there 2 take ‘partie’ pics? 

would ryan schreiber b there 2 review the funeral?

if u could have a Buzzworthy human give a Eulogy at ur funeral who would it be?

what buzzband would u want to perform to honor ur passing in2 the afterlife? what kewl Mp3 would u like to have played at ur funeral?

… let me know… i’m here 4 u.

i’m here for now. i have not yet shuffled off this mortal coil.

but i will die someday too… 

yes. ‘i do’ (& i will cherish u til the end)

From the desk of the Hro Comment Section: Jake Fogelnest is a bro with many different brands/identities & brand identities. the type of bro that will even let you ‘seriously’ call him on his home number $$$(646) 484-5323$$$. he is an *HRO Power User*, an Alt Seacrest, a Twit, a Tumblr, an ‘unchill Sirius radio nerd’, and as we learn in this comment he is a Friend without benefits to Lizzy Lyfe of Mtv who jake claims is not AZN. 

have u ever been a friend w/o bennies to an alt-QT/bro? to an overgrounder babe/dude? a mnstrmr lady/guy? a lamestreamer woman/man? a Feminazi womyn who goes by Ms./a chauvinist Mr. who’s role model is Dick Masterson ?

can babes and bros ever just be friends? or do u agree with Harry Crystal  who said that men and womyn can’t be friends

have u ever met a gurl/boi via the comment section of HRO? did u fall in <3love<3??

have u ever proposed marriage on the HRO COMMENT SECTION? did they say yes?

i hope they did…. 

HRO reblogging blogs. 

hro reblogged my blog. this gave me a reason to update my ‘status’.

wen blogs reblog blogs… how does it feel?

have u ever reblogged a blog? has ur blog ever been reblogged?

through reblogging we share. we learn. we grow.

London’s ‘post-dubstep wunderkind’and former tennis pro james blake has never learnt to share. he would probably never reblog ur blog with his blog… 

FanArt - “HroCats” Blipster edition. this work of art also comes 2 us via thebasedmentreviews blog. Blipsters are sometimes blogged abt on HRO. In this piece the artist is exploring deeper themes. What is the life of an alt african-american cat like? there is the historical element of this portrait - the horrible injustice of taking black cats against their will from their native homeland of africa. but this is a modern cat. this is an alt cat. this is a blipster cat. he has assimilated in2 ‘white cat’s indie’. but what is life like 4 the blipster cat? while hanging out with white cats does he cringe wen watching sarah silverman say the ‘n-bomb’ with the ‘er’ not the ‘a’ at the end of the word? do the white cats feel they shouldn’t laugh abt the ‘n-bomb’ with the ‘blipsterCat’ around? do other african-american cats call him a ‘pussy’ 4 listening 2 AnCo or Cat Power instead of WakkaFlakas & TheGucciMangs? these r all very complicated issues. what is the life of a blipster cat like?? i don’t know personally. i’ve had ‘blipster’ friends. i even ‘did it’ with a blipster QT once. But even when we come together as alts there still exists a ‘certain tension’. it’s like not everything is as ‘super’ as it should be even when our Last.Fm music compatibility is at the ‘super’ level. and wat of life for the ‘blipster’ cat outside of ‘white cat’s indie’ and even outside of the ‘black cats urban existence’. how stressful is it for ‘blipster cat’ 2 tour with his buzzband into the deep south of america. To stop at gas stations filled with ppl who look like they came straight out of Deliverance all the while blipsterCat is wearing ‘shutter shades’ or other ‘blipster cat’ fashions making the ‘local boys’ even more nervous. What if blipsterCat’s tour van gets pulled over by a White CatCop? will the White CatCop shoot 1st and ask questions later? 

the blipsterCat is a good meme tho. it is an important cultural phenomenon. there is much healing that still needs 2 happen but the blipsterCat & his antithesis the IWishIWuzBlkCat show us that luv is colorblind yall. and that music is the universal language. even if things aren’t perfect i feel we r heading in the right direction. we have black golfers now. we have Tv On The Radio releasing a new album in 2k11. and we have Kanye who recieved a 10.0 for making the perfect blipster album in the eyes of the white p4k writers. blipsters are moving on up bb…. 2 the east side… they mite finally get a piece of the pie….